The New Me
by Rampart
Summary: Pansy is going into yet another year at Hogwarts. Events at home and on the train ride make her come to a conclusion. Something has to change. Will it help of make her life worse? Will a certain blonde get in the way? DP
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter One**_

**_A/N:_** Hey! As you may or may not know, I was working on a story called Of Death Eaters And Blood Traitors. I haven't given up on it, but with stories I sometimes drop them for a month or two and start writing them again. Refreshen my brain and come up with new plot points. Only some though. I don't think it'll happen with this one since I have had it in my head for ages upon ages. And this one doesn't have as big of a plot to follow, just one that is very flexible. Which makes it easy to write. So here is the first chapter. I hope you enjoy!**  
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**September 1st, The train ride to hell.**

Last night has to have been the worst of them all. Normally my father is out on business the week before school begins, so it is just me and my mother. God I love her. Now him, I have a serious problem with. Ever since I was little he treated me like shit. He'd always say I was a "waste of time and money" because I was a girl. A pureblood girl who isn't pretty is worth nothing at all.

Now things have changed though. I am going into my seventh year and I have grown up quite a bit and become what most guys say "The Slytherin Beauty". Not so sure if I respect that title so much, but everyone else thinks I do. I say if they bow down, make them go lower no?

Anyways today I am riding the Hogwart's Express in my own little compartment (thankfully, it's hell of hard to find ones own these days.). Draco and his cronies or the rest of my Slytherin year have yet to find me. Whoop. So I have time to write in my diary.

So, back to last night. Like I said, normally my dad is out on business. Not this time. Crap eh? Sure was. Right when I finished packing (which was easy since I can finally use magic outside of school) I went downstairs to grab a few extra quills to use and my diary which I had left down in the study. I walk in to find him sitting there boring over some book. As I walk closer I see it's my diary. The old one, from 4th to 6th year. He turns around and glares at me. I knew I was in deep shit.

"Pansy," he starts calmly putting a mask on his face now hiding the glare, "This boy… the Malfoy boy. You fancy him?"

Boom there it is. He knows now. I knew I must've been blushing since my cheeks were burning more then a fire. I just stand there not wanting to say anything.

"N- no," was all I managed to get out as I quickly grabbed the diary from him.

"You could have come to me with this you know," he said as I was just about to leave the room. Yet again I just stand there, too nervous to talk, "Be on your way."

Short and not so eventful you might think, but I know better. Much better. I hope he doesn't screw my life up because of this. Please father don't. I mean, what if he tells him? I know it seems childish to think these things, but you don't know my dad. No one does but me. He hides his true self to everyone, even mum. But she knows, I think she does anyhow. Even though she does nothing.

Crap, I think someone is coming. Must go before they see me writing again. People were getting annoyed when they weren't allowed to read the last one. It's a diary, What do they expect?

Pansy P, officially screwed.

**September 1st, In my dorm**

The rest of the girls are asleep now. So I decided it's the perfect time for writing now. It's one am, and I'm tired as all hells but I need to get this out. Writing in my diary calms me down a lot. Today was weird, sad, frustrating and just plain out of the ordinary.

So when I stopped writing in my diary someone walked in. Guess who? None other then my buddy Millicent. She was totally red in the face closed the door quickly behind her. She drew the curtains back over the windows and sat down on the seat across from me.

"Millie?" I said waving my hand in front of her face. She just looks at me with her eyes wide and lets out a small squeal.

"Okay, first things first," she said and took a deep breath, "How has your summer been?"

"Cut the bull crap, what's up?" I asked and narrowed my eyes at her.

"Well… Draco…hey you grew you hair out," she said eyeing me up and down the shaking her head, "Okay back to Draco.."

"Yes?" I asked eager to find out what she had to say. I knew I had to stop this creepy stalkerish thing, but it was hard. Ever since I first lay eyes on him.. I just.. Couldn't take them off.

"I was sitting in his compartment and he started ranting on about something his father said before last night."

"Mmm," I hummed and looked out the window, then back at Millicent who dropped her jaw at me.

"I know it sounds.. Not interesting, but then he said something about an arranged marriage. His father didn't tell him who yet, but only that it's been set up since he was born."

My face became whiter then it already was, if that's at all possible. He was going to get married to some other girl. Maybe it was a good idea to try and stop liking him now.. Yes.. It was.

Millicent looked at me as if I was from another world. Then she started pointing out all of the things I was doing differently. I don't know why, but it made me feel better. They all seemed positive. Although she pointed them out as negatives.

So here, right now, I'm deciding to let go of everything. At least almost everything. I decided to make a list of all the things about me I want to change and keep. Not have that bitchy self this year, maybe I'll actually stop liking him too.

1. Start wearing my hair up a bit more. It looks better, and now that I have longer hair it'll work better too.

2. Don't wear as skimpy outfits, it might look good both ways.

3. DON'T follow Draco around like his two cronies. I'm going to become my own woman and do my own thing.

4. DON'T think about Draco as much as possible. Don't let him get to me either. I must not break.

5. Focus on homework a tad bit more, but not enough to make me seem like a geek. Parents will like hopefully.

6. Go lightly on makeup, I don't need foundation either.

Okay, not so much keeping. But I'll add to the list later on. I just hope it'll work. Although I don't know what it is going to do.. I'll just have to wait and see. It's getting pretty late, don't want to be tired for first day of school. Night.

Pansy P. The New Me.

_**A/N:**_ There it was, the first chapter of The New Me. I hope you enjoyed it. Also, I'm not sure if I should make it all a diary or not. I probably will keep writing it like this. Half and half. What do you think? Please tell me in a nice (or maybe not so nice) review.

_**Rampart**__****_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_****

**_A/N:_** Chapter two! Yay! Well if some of you have read my other story Of Death Eaters And Blood Traitors you might have noticed the updates were very often. I noticed that doesn't help at all. Nope.. not at all. Makes short, not interesting chapters and ruins the story sort ofish. Which is why i'm taking this one slowly and making the chapters longer. I'll probably make two or three diary entries in each chapter. That should work. Blech, you probably don't wanna hear this do you? Fine, i'll give you what you want. Here is chapter two.

**Oh, and I forgot this last chapter I think: I do not own Harry Potter. **

**September 4th, in the library**

The past four days have been both wonderful and horrible. The bad thing is that I'm swamped with homework. Apparently teachers don't take the N.E.W.T.S too lightly. That's why I'm here in the library, waiting for Millicent (who was supposed to be her ten minutes ago, ugh her).

Anyways, because of that homework problem I haven't been able to write to much. So I decided to make a quick entry now.

The first day back started out horribly. You remember that list I made? Yeah, it was because of that. I woke up in the morning and checked my closet for something to wear. Nothing that was going to go with it. I ended up having to borrow clothes from my other friend Daphne. Thankfully we have just about the same cloth size. When I finally got showered and dressed and ready to go out I looked myself in the mirror. Not too different, but Millicent started complaining on how I'm starting to 'care' to much. The other girls also looked at me like I was crazy. I let it slip past me. Why should I care right?

When we got into the Great Hall he didn't even notice me! Draco was just sitting there being swarmed in the usual crowd of girls who were all asking him to go with on the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend. It hasn't even been announced yet. But I'm supposed to not care, get over him. That part on my list didn't work out to well either.

During breakfast me and Millie talked like we normally do. We got our schedules whined about getting classes with the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. No Ravenclaw this year. At least _they_ were smart. I looked down a few people and saw Draco and the other Slytherin seventh year boys weren't to happy about it either. I smiled a bit when he looked over at me. Now, the thing that completely ruined my morning happened. He smiled back. Well more of a smirk.. But it is still something isn't it? I couldn't help but keep looking at him. Whenever he smirked it made him look millions of times more gorgeous. My plan wasn't succeeding. And I don't fail anything. This was **not** going to be my first.

After breakfast we had our first class of double Charms with the Gryffindors. That didn't go to well, seeing as me and Draco were partnered up. Why do you have to be so cruel to me world? Why?

We were doing a review, which was easy, but I kept getting nervous around him. It wasn't the first time we've had to do things like this, and we'd always hung out before (well sort of). But I couldn't help it. Just the fact that he was going to get married to someone else.

"Hey Pans," he said smirking and nodded towards the substitute who seemed to have fallen asleep, "Come here," he added and walked over to the other side of the class room where there were a few armchairs. All the Slytherins had always wondered what Flitwick used them for, and came to the conclusion that he sat and sipped tea between classes or something. Draco sat down in one of them and sighed while I sat in the one next to his.

"How's your summer been?" he asked casually.

"Okay, my parents have been in and out all break so that was nice.." I answered and trailed off. I didn't want him to know how I felt about my father.

"Hmm," he hummed in response. I could tell he was looking over at Potter and his little crew.

"How was yours?" I finally asked.

"Pretty good, except that whole arranged marriage thing," he answered me in a nonchalant tone.

"Oh. Do you know who it is?" I asked a bit depressed. I just can't help it.

"Not yet, probably some rich Bulgarian or French girl," he said and looked at me, "the whole thing annoys me. I mean, am I not capable of choosing my own wife?"

"I thought you always said you don't show emotion," I said with a slight smirk. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Not towards idiots like them," he said and nodded his head in the Gryffindor's direction. I just raised an eyebrow at him.

"I love you Pansy," he said and looked me in the eyes. Yeh, my heart stopped and my breath hitched. He actually said those words. Not Pans, or Parkinson, but Pansy. Although my moment was ruined when he finally spoke again.

"You're like a sister to me. You can't say that's not emotion."

I felt like crying that moment. A sister? I was a sister to him. That's it. I mean, I guess it helps me getting over him in a way. But it hurt so much when he said that for some reason. I tried to cover it up by rolling my eyes at him. He just smirked back. We just sat there watching the others for a while in silence. I didn't want to talk, since I knew my voice would sound all weird.

That wasn't the best class of the day for me. But of course I dealt with it and practically ran out of the classroom and down to potions. Towards the end things did lighten up a bit, I finally started talking to Draco. I need to get over it.

Well look who it is, my dear friend Millie. She's finally here. I have to go and do some bloody homework now.

Pansy P, the Malfoy sister.

**September 6th, Out by the lake**

Two day have gone by since I last wrote in you my friend. That's six days since I found out how Draco really felt about me. I've tried hard to forget about it and get over him (might I add it worked pretty well most of the time) but sometimes its just so hard.

On the plus side I think I have something to help me keep my mind off of him. No, not homework or my friends. They announced a Hogsmeade weekend (oddly, because those aren't normally so early in the year. But I suppose it had something to do with Granger being head girl and best friends with Potter and Weasley). So anyways someone asked me! Not some dork either. I felt so happy for once since I got here at the school.

I was heading down towards the great hall for lunch. It was a warm day, so I had decided to wear my hair up with my summer uniform. Something I didn't wear much. I hated skirts most of the time, and especially this outfit because it looks a bit like a muggle one because there aren't any robes with it. But it felt nice not to be too warm.

Anyways as I was walking down the hall I felt someone's eyes boring into the back of my head. It's a but creepy how I notice these things sometimes. So naturally I turned around.

"Whoever you are stop following me," I snapped looking around and saw someone come from around the corner. His name was Josh Connory. He was in the Ravenclaw house, and quite popular with everyone. Especially the girls. Sort of like Cedric Diggory or Roger Davies, or hey even Draco.

"Who are you talking to?" he asked and looked around. I could feel myself blush. I couldn't help it, it wasn't like me to be humiliated.

"You," I finally replied and fully turned around to look at him.

"I wasn't even.." he started then shook his head, "Never mind."

I quickly looked away when his eyes settled on me, I couldn't be caught staring at someone could I? Of course not.

"You heading down to the great hall?" he finally asked. I snapped out of my thoughts and nodded, "Great, I'll walk you down," he said with a smile.

We walked for quite a bit in silence. It wasn't one of those comfortable ones either. It was the kind that drives you mad. One that makes you want to start talking about nothing just to break it. Finally my wish came true.

"Pansy.." he started. I was a bit surprised at first that he knew my name, but we'd had a lot of classes together since fourth year. So why wouldn't he?

"Hmm?" I hummed and looked at him. He was looking at me, although this time he wasn't smiling.

"I was wondering, if you'd like to go Hogsmeade with me," he said and made a small smile. We had stopped walking and I just stood there. Now when I think about it, it was something I would have killed myself for. I mean what person does that when they're asked out? Well maybe a lot of people, but not me.

"I'd like that," I finally managed to get out. I smiled weakly at him. I kept feeling like I was betraying Draco or something, even though I was never going out with him in the first place. We'd never been anything. The only time we really came close was at the Yule Ball. We'd gone together and had a great time dancing with each other. Although he did complain about Granger and Krum together a bit, but so did I. It was just that one thing he said at the end of the evening. That he wasn't ready for a relationship. Of course I believed him then, but now I think it was just bullshit. But maybe being just friends is good for us. Right? Oh.. it's hard to think that it is going to end up this way. After all those years of liking him, and all those papers with Pansy Malfoy written on them it feels so odd. That, it just isn't going to happen.

Maybe I'm over exaggerating about the whole thing. I should be _happy_ he asked me. It could be my chance to move on from Draco and have somewhat of a life. I mean, we'll still be friends.

Ugh, no use. I kept thinking if I stayed single maybe there was a chance the two of us would eventually happen. My list is working perfectly except for that one little flaw.

7. Get it into my head me and Draco are only friends. We will never be anymore.

Not something really.. Workable on if that even makes sense. But I need to do what it says do I not? Anyways, my hand is hurting and my ink is running low. I must go for now.

Pansy P. Recovering Obsesser.

_**A/N:**_ There it was. I hope you liked it, I don't know how I feel about this chapter. Am I taking things too fast? I don't want this to end up being a really long story either, so I guess it should work. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading it and will keep checking for updates and keep reading my story. Your reviews mean a lot to me

_**Rampart**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:**_ Here is chapter three. Rather long one so make yourself comfortable. Although I didn't like it so much. Pretty.. I don't know. But it'll have to do. This or nothing, so live with it. I've finally taken the libraty of writing a whole chapter to chapter story line. So i'll have a point to every chapter but like one, which will be a filler. But there will be times like this one where I have writers block so don't kill me ha ha. Well enough jabbering, here is chapter three.

**Disclaimer:** See other chapters.

_**Chapter Three**_

**September 20th**

Oh wow, it's been a while since I've picked this old thing up. Fourteen days! A lot of things have happened. Homework, new teacher, stuff like that. Although two big things happened. First of all my Hogsmeade weekend.

I got up early that day to pick out something to wear. Of course I stole some clothes from Daphne, all of hers looked amazing on her. Why wouldn't they on me? And I was totally right with making that decision.

When Josh first asked me, I admit I was a bit shy. Okay, a lot. That's not like me. I hated it, and now he probably thinks I'm some… fluff ball. Ugh. So I needed to change that.

Anyways, back to my day. I decided to get an early breakfast so I could go to the common room and freshen up before I left. Just in case. Slytherin or not a girl always has to look good, am I wrong? Didn't think so.

So when I was done with that I quickly left the common room, Daphne was sitting on a couch waiting for her date, Blaise. As I made my way down the corridors of the dungeons I looked over my shoulder and saw Draco coming my way. I tried to keep from smiling but couldn't help it.

"Hey, going to Hogsmeade?" I said when he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He'd never done anything like that before. It felt.. Weird, but good at the same time. Although part of me wanted to shove him off. Why should he use me as a doll? I decided to listen to the side that liked it, no one wants to get on Draco's bad side. Not even me. _Ugh, I should stop caring though_. I thought to myself but shrugged it off.

"Nah, ended up in detention with Potter. I'll explain later. Although I heard your going to Hogsmeade with Josh, true?" He asked and let go of me. I nodded and bit my lip. I was scared he was going with someone as well. That would mean he really didn't like me.

Geez, maybe Josh is right. I _am_ starting to fluff up. Must stop, add to list.

8. Don't become a fluff ball. Keep the old Pansy personality.

Ha! Finally! One keep on my list. I would get up and dance, but that'd just show how daft I am. Don't want that. Now, back to what I was writing.

"I wouldn't hang around him if I were you Pans…" he said unsurely. How could he say that? Did he even _know_ Josh?

"And I suppose this is you _ brotherly _instinct coming in?" I snapped at him, stressing the word brotherly. I am **not** going to let him get to me about this one. Sudden change in attitude eh? Probably think I'm snorting that muggle drug Co… something. I don't remember the name. Cocaine? Eh, don't really care about that. But Daphne was talking about it one day and said it gave you serious mood-swings. Maybe mine wasn't serious, but you get it right?

"No, I'm telling this to you as a friend," Draco replied casually. Then added a bit more seriously, "Pans.. He isn't one to hang out with."

"Psh, and you know all about who 'the good crowd' is? You're hardly that good of an influence," I said and rolled my eyes at him. Draco just glared at me.

"Pansy, you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I know he doesn't care," Draco said dropping the glare. I started to feel the same way I did before. For those few days I'd forgotten about him. I had a life beside him. But the way he was looking at me made me melt.

"Josh is a perfectly nice guy," I said and turned around again, "I'm not going to listen to you this time. I'll only regret it."

"Look, you can just walk away from me right now. Just don't come crawling back to me when he hurts you," Draco said. I could sense the anger and frustration in his voice.

"Why do you care so much anyhow?" I asked and turned around. Maybe for once I'd get a straight answer. Ha! Yeah right. He just stood there, seeming to be searching for the right words to use or something. First time I've stumped the proud Malfoy.

"You know what, I'll save you the trouble of finding that answer and leave," I said and walked away from him, not bothering to look over my shoulder.

Good thing after my little confrontation with Draco things started looking up. I walked into the entrance hall and saw Josh standing there waiting for me. I smiled a bit as I walked up to him and he smiled back. I didn't bother apologize for being a bit late. He'd ask questions then.

"Hey," he said. I could tell he was eyeing me for about a minute. It felt pretty weird. I'd never noticed it before. Although, it did feel quite good. Like I could have power over him. Ha, unlikely now, but maybe later eh?

We decided to take a carriage down to the village as is was a rather long walk. On the way down the road I could feel myself getting nervous. It wasn't because of the date, oh no. Far from that. It was just what Draco had said. It was starting to get to me. Okay, so maybe it was sort of the date, but it was because of Draco. Only him.

The other thing was us being mad at each other. I hate it more then anything. I mean.. I don't know. We've never gotten into a really big argument before, it wasn't like him to hold a grudge against someone like me. Or rather, he didn't want to be seen without someone like me. The less girls that were around him, he'll seem less superior or something. I don't remember, I just heard Blaise saying something like that.

Ugh, must stop with this whole fluff thing. Although, I've always been like that around Draco. Maybe I should stop it. Actually I will. It'll make him hate me more, and I'll start not liking him. I think… I doubt.. Ugh.

"You okay?" Josh asked as the carriage stopped. He stood up and opened the door, offering his hand to me after he'd stepped out. I didn't take it. I never do.

"Yeah," I replied simply. We walked down the small path to the village in silence. I could tell he was growing nervous. It made him seem pathetic. My mother had always told me not to date people who hesitate around you. Only people who are straight forward about what they want, and when. She also told me to be that way. Sure I'm that way around most people but not the one I should be too.

"Where do you want to head first?" I heard someone ask beside me. Quickly I snapped out of my thoughts and looked around. Madam Puttifoots was where all of the Hufflepuffs liked to go (and some other softies..), the Hogs Head was too filthy and full of perverts, the Three Broomsticks was a whole of Gryffindors, Honeydukes was where all of the big revolting blobs hung out ( Crabbe and Goyle) and all of the other shops were just pointless.

"Now I remember why I don't like coming here," I muttered to myself. I saw Josh look down at me with a confused look on his face.

"What was that?" he asked. I just shook my head and pointed over towards the hill that lead to the shrieking shack. Not many people went up there anymore, since Crabbe and Goyle had blabbered how the ghosts play pranks on you up there. How daft can you get?

"Lets go up there, it won't be as crowded," I said and started walking in that direction without giving Josh a chance to say anything. He tried to make some small talk as we walked up the hill, but it was mostly yes or no questions and such. I didn't mind so much, as long as he didn't suggest to go to any of those other places.

When we got up to the hill that looked over the shack I sighed. This date was getting boring. My mind wandered to the times me and Draco had gone up here together. We didn't just sit and look. Hell, I'd probably see a fish playing quidditch before he'd do something like that.

After a while of just talking about practically nothing I really started to regret coming up here with him. How could someone like _him_ be so boring?

Finally though, something happened. He must of sensed by boredom or something. I could feel his eyes on me as I was looking out towards the shack. I looked back at him and smiled weakly. The next thing I knew he was practically on top of me. I had to admit he was a good kisser. I started to kiss him back, wishing more then anything he could be Draco. I had to stop that. But it was hard, and didn't look like it was going to happen. Why did I have to be so damn unlucky.

After a few minutes he pulled away from me grinning. I hated when people did that. It made them look like idiots. He even apologized! What the hell? Why would you _apologize_ for doing something like that!

I guess where I'm going with this entry is that, Josh is lying on thin ice. But after a snogg like that I had to give him another chance. I'd be an even bigger dolt if I didn't.

The rest of the date went pretty smoothly. We headed down to the village again to get a drink in the three broomsticks, then we went to Honeydukes ( and avoided Crabbe and Goyle. I don't get why Draco would even bother using them as body guards. Maybe because they'd absorb a blow or something..). At about mid afternoon we decided to head back since there wasn't much to do. The ride back was yet another silence filled one, but a comfortable one this time.

When we got back I saw Draco had just walked around the corner and was looking at us in the entrance hall. I could tell Josh didn't notice, instead he said he had to go and work on an essay for potions. Best of all, he kissed my good-bye in front of Draco. Of course I started to kiss him back. Then we heard some footsteps come and we quickly broke apart.

"I can tell you had a good time," Draco said casually when Josh had left. We were both on our way towards the common room.

"Yeah, what was that you said about him being an ass?" I asked turning to him. I could see the smirk on his face drop.

"Never said that, but now that you bring it up. He is," Draco said and said the pass word and the entrance to the common room opened. We both sat down on the couch. Instantly I looked towards the green and silver flames in the fireplace.

"You jealous aren't you?" I asked smirking. Draco just smirked.

"Who wouldn't be?" Draco said and looked towards me. I could feel my cheeks warm up slightly but quickly cool down. For just _one_ second I had forgotten about liking him. Just _one_, and now it's gone.

I tried to keep my cool as he was moving closer to me. My eyes searched the common room, no one was there. Most people were in Hogsmeade or out wandering the halls.

"I could name a few," I said nervously. He wouldn't do what I thought he was about to do would he? Agh, who am I kidding? It's _Draco_ he would do something like it.

He didn't reply. Which made me even more nervous. I thought for sure he was going to kiss me. But when was I ever right about Draco?

"You should let me try it sometime eh?" he whispered in my ear and got up. I felt my body stiffen when I saw the smirk on his face.

"Bastard," I muttered. He just snickered. How could I think he was serious?

"I have to meet Potter again. Finish up detention. I was supposed to be there five minutes ago," and with that he disappeared out the door. I slumped back against the couch and closed my eyes, thinking how much I wished something would've happened.

So, as you can see, my plan isn't working. Part of it is. But the main idea isn't. He just won't get out of my head. It's like… a disease I have or something. I just want to kill myself for it sometimes. Especially when he does shit like that. It got my hopes up so much. I should learn not to.

Yikes, this was a long entry wasn't it? Almost used a whole bottle on ink. I'm going to wrap it up now. Got to finish an essay too.

Pansy P. A Lost Cause

**_A/N:_** There is was. I hope you liked it. Like I said, wasn't one of my best works but good enough I think. I thought I was loosing Pansy a bit in the last chapter. Her shy? Ha. I didn't change a whole lot this time.. just a tad bit. I mean she doens't have to be a bitch every second in my eyes. So yeh. Please leave a review

**_Rampart_**

_**Oh**_: I also recommend reading _Father Says_. It's good so far. Just thought i'd mention it. Hmm and _Theory_ too. Bother great D/P stories.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four**_

**_A/N:_** Okay, so this chapter is going to be a bit different then the other ones. And perhaps chapter five too. It all depends on if I want it two or one long one or.. Blah however long it takes and stuff. So anyways I decided to make a Draco POV chapter. No he doesn't write in a diary, so this will be just like a.. normal first person story. Understood? Good Anyways there is a slight reason for doing this, it won't happen again though, and won't give away all of his feelings and thoughts. Some, but don't go jumping to conclusions. You never know what is to come.

**Disclaimer:** See others.

I moved a bit closer to her. She seemed nervous by the look on her face. Which made it all the more fun for me.

"Maybe you should let me try it sometime eh?" I whispered in her ear and got up. The look on her face was priceless.

"Bastard," I head her mutter, that just made me smirk.

"I have to meet Potter again. Finish up detention. I was supposed to be there five minutes ago," I said, turned and left the common room.

As I walked down the halls towards the bathroom we were supposed to clean out I saw Josh walking around the corner. I couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy at the sight of him.

I'd always liked Pansy. Well not always, but since fourth year. Although it wasn't a whole lot after that. During the Yule Ball it all ended for me. She seemed so uninterested. Maybe she was just trying to act it, because everywhere else she followed me around like a sick puppy.

After fourth year we just talked. I still felt for her in a way though. Not enough for me to actually like her, but I just felt like I needed to be around her all of the time. Almost protect her. That's why this year I came to the conclusion she was no more then a sister figure to me. But sometimes I just felt it wasn't enough. Like I wanted more, but then I didn't. It was the first time something like this annoyed me.

That was all until I started to fancy that Ravenclaw girl. I think she's in sixth year. Reminds me of Chang quite a bit. Maybe they were related? Who knows. She was pretty good looking. That was as much as I knew about her though.

"Your late," Potter hissed as he was scrubbing one of the sinks.

"Why should I bother to come on time to an appointment with you?" I snapped back leaning against the wall.

"Whatever, just clean. The faster you do the faster we can get away from each other," Potter said moving onto another sink.

"Clean? When it wasn't even my fault we ended up here?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"So your blaming this on me?" he asked, I nodded, "It was _you_ who hexed her."

"Well you shouldn't have moved out of the way!" I exclaimed. How was I even supposed to know she'd be walking there?

"You shouldn't have tried to hex me!"

"After you said _that _about Pansy? Who in their right mind wouldn't!"

"Hermione, Ron, Ginny.." Harry started.

"I said _right_ mind Potter," I interrupted flatly. I could tell this made him even more mad then before. It was always easy to upset him when it came to the ones he 'loved'. He opened his mouth to say something but didn't. All he did was start scrubbing the sinks harder and faster. I couldn't help but smirk.

Silence followed for quite a bit after I'd said that, which, suited me perfectly fine. The faster we got this work done the faster we'd get to leave.

"You like her?" Potter suddenly asked. I looked up at him with a glare.

"Why should I tell you?" I asked irritably. He just shrugged and kept on working. _How daft can you get?_ I thought to myself and started cleaning.

"Finally," I groaned as I flopped down on the couch in the common room. Millicent and Daphne were sitting around a small table talking about something or the other. They just rolled their eyes at me and continued on talking.

"That bad?" A familiar voice came from behind a potions book.

"Spending three hours in a bathroom with Potter cleaning toilets? What do you think?" I asked. Blaise lowered the book from his face and smirked.

"Don't get in a fight next time," He said and shrugged.

"I do recall you urging me on earlier today," I said and sat up straight again when I heard a door shut from the girls dorm. Turning my head I smiled slightly to see a petite raven-haired girl descending the stairs into the common room.

What Potter had said earlier in the bathroom popped into my head and I grimaced. He couldn't be serious could he? Did everyone think I like her? Even if I did, I couldn't be that obvious could I? Did I like her?

"What's wrong with you?" Pansy asked as she sat down on the couch next to Blaise.

"Hmm? Oh nothing, just thinking," I said nonchalantly, turning around again. I couldn't let what Potter said get to me.

"Thinking? You? Not so good," Blaise said smirking. He always came up with the worst come backs. If you would even consider that one.

"Actual…" I started then was cut off by an owl pecking at the window. Instantly I could tell it was my fathers owl.

I got up and walked over to the window letting him. He pecked at my shoulder, after I'd untied his burden.

"Shut up stupid bird," I muttered and swatted him away. He seemed to take this as a 'leave' sign and took off out into the sky.

"From your father?" Pansy asked. I looked up from the letter towards Pansy who was not resting her head in Blaise's. That was something I didn't see much. Were they dating? It wasn't like Pansy not to tell me. And what about Josh?

"You okay? Looks like you got hit by a bludger," Millicent said and looked at me from the table. I just glared at her.

"What does it say?" Blaise asked curiously. I just rolled my eyes and opened it up. When I'd gotten through the first part of the letter I could feel myself go cold. Perhaps even paler then I already was.

_Dear Draco,_

_I know I haven't been writing to you so often lately, and I know I've kept you in suspense about the marriage. You've probably told the whole school by now I presume? _

_Her parents don't want her to know about this yet. So by telling you, I trust you won't tell her. Am I right? The Parkinsons will be very upset if…_

I dropped the letter and my eyes shot towards Pansy. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Daphne sneak the letter into her pocket, thinking I hadn't noticed. Why would I care anyways? I had bigger problems.

**_A/N:_** Oh wow, I can not believe I just submitted this. Ugh, I'm not very pleased with the outcome but oh well. I only submitted it because.. Well it'd been a while since my last one and I'm done with my English project! Whoop! On a sadder note, the reason it might lose your intrest I've had trouble coming out with this chapter, due to a lack of.. Spirit? Would you call it that? I don't think so.. Hmm.. Maybe it's just writers block. I'll go with that story.. Yeah…


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter Five**_

**_A/N:_** This was going to be another Draco chapter, but I think I'll make it a normal one again. Anyways, the next two chapters are now going to be made fillers. You know, a few little drops of plot but not a whole lot of it. After that, it'll all be plot most likely. Also, I've changed the dates. They'll say year seven and the month now since dates make me feel so blah. It makes me think that the story is moving to slow, or too fast. So now, it'll be like this. Don't care what you think of it, I'm keeping it. He he. Power to me. Anyways, on with the story!

**Disclaimer:** I honestly don't get why I must put one on every chapter.. But they aren't mine.

**October, year seven**

Been a while since I've picked this little beauty up. It feels so refreshing being able to write in it again. Perhaps it makes me think I have all the free time in the world? If only good things lasted forever. Oh how I really wish they did..

Ever since that day Draco got that letter he has been acting rather weird around me. It is getting pretty annoying. I mean, he **never** lets anything bring him down or get to him. His father must've said something pretty serious. I hope not. Although it isn't like Draco to be in one mood more then a few days, a weeks tops. Unless it is revenge on Potter he is seeking. That's lasted for years.

That thought makes me think of a few years ago. When we did a lot more things together. We would always think of different schemes together, do homework (which we both loathed, and still do), sometimes he would even take me out on the quidditch pitch and gave me a few flying lessons. Heh, I should stop thinking about all this before I cry. I don't cry.

Maybe Josh will cheer me up. Yes. I should go see him again. We haven't spent too much time together since a few days ago when we did some homework together. I'm starting to wonder if he is even interested in me. He better not be stringing me along, I'm the one who does the stringing. Not anyone else. Ugh, maybe he won't cheer me up. Nothing seems to these days. Especially thinking about this morning with Daph.

I was sitting down in the common room waiting for Millicent before going to breakfast. I heard someone walking down the stairs and stood up sighing.

"How _long_ can it possibly take to get ready in the morning Millie?" I asked and turned around.

"She left already, when you were showering," Daphne said and stepped on the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, well I guess I'll head out," I said shrugging and started towards the other side of the common room.

"Aren't you going to wait for Draco?" Daphne asked in her normal 'innocent question' voice. Man that got annoying.

"No… why would I?" I asked and looked back at her.

"Oh you don't know yet? How sad," she said and smiled sympathetically at me, "You parents must like to keep you in the dark. No wonder you're so pale."

That, was the worst comebackish thing I have ever heard. What the hell did she mean by dark anyways? I wish she weren't so stubborn.

"Dark? About what?" I asked and walked towards her again.

"Oh, nothing important. Your parents don't want you to know. I wouldn't want to get on their bad side by telling you," she said and smiled again, heading towards the door. I followed closely behind her and we exited the common room together. I thought for sure she was messing with my head.

"Bad side? You're already there," I said.

"Even so, it isn't important," she said and turned the corner. I stopped and took a few seconds to try and think about what she meant.

"I thought you said you were going to wait for me!" I heard someone exclaim. A few seconds later Millicent appeared at my side. If looks could kill I would be dead in a heart beat.

"Ugh, Daphne.." I muttered and looked at Millicent, then around the corner at Daphne's faint figure making its way to the great hall.

"Whatever, you should know not to listen to her," Mille snapped at me and started towards the great hall.

"What? Just last night you were practically calling her queen of the world!" I exclaimed.

That got no reply, and once she was done talking, she was done talking. But that I'm not worried about. It was what Daphne was talking about that bugged me. Sometimes I just want to hex her.

I'm figuring she is just messing with me. She has done it plenty of times before. But all those other times she just ends up laughing. She has never been to good of a liar before. Why would she change now? Of course, summers _can_ do a lot to one.

My head is starting to hurt thinking about this. Or maybe its Millie's paper balls? I'm supposed to go the library with her. This girl just doesn't know when to quit..

Pansy P. The Queen of Paper Balls (what a humiliating title to give myself..)

**_A/N:_** It is all your fault! This chapter lacks the likeability factor because of you. Grr! Listening to R.E.M isn't helping much either. Anyways, this is going to be the last filler I decided, even though it isn't much of a filler. I guess it made the later chapters have a bigger meaning. The only reason I decided to update it was because this weekend was supposed to be writing weekend. Stupid California trip. So out of my generosity I am updating it instead of homework. You should be happy. Yep. Anyways (I say that a lot..) this has to keep you happy for at least a week. Next weekend is going to be a relaxing weekend. No shopping sprees, vacations, hopefully no homework, and probably no friends. Which means story time! And good story time! Yay! Don't forget Spring Break after that. Aren't you guys lucky? I bet none of you are even reading this. Pssh, now I'm typing to myself. Until next chapter, I'm out. Happy reading

_**Rampart**_


	6. Chapter 5ish

_**Note/Chapter five ½**_

Now, I haven't given up on this story. Of course not. I don't want too. But my updates are going to be less since I've moved on from writing fanfics all of the time. I still LOVE writing a lot. So I will write. Just want to find that one idea ya know?

So, I've posted that note. Now I need a little story with it. Here is a thought Pansy has written down in her diary a few years ago…

_Every girl is supposed to have that one Cinderella moment aren't they? The moment when everything, all your worries just fall behind you. The moment when everything in the world just seems to fall into place. Nothing can stop you and the one you love that moment. You take their hand and sparks a emit and flowers bloom. Mountains move out of your way and rivers calm themselves for you to cross._

_That one moment everything is perfect. You feel like you want to spend the rest of your life there. Your own personal Eden. You and the one you love, only the two of you. Then, of course someone has to go eat the apple and it ends. But it is still okay isn't it? Your still together, and you have the feeling left behind from the moment, that everything will stay that way. That no matter where you are things will be okay. Because you have each other. Isn't that how life is supposed to be?_

_I've been on this earth for a while now and I have seen everyone around me experience that one moment. They all seem to love it. Loving love, odd thought isn't it? But they all do. Then they get their heart broken and come back to me, the shoulder to lean on. The shoulder that hasn't gotten to feel what they have. They tell me I'm lucky for it. Lucky that I haven't felt what they have. Haven't gone through what they are._

_I just sit there and stare. I don't know whether to believe this or not. Part of me does, but the other part tells me it is just an excuse for what I really feel. Jealousy. Jealous of what they have gotten an I haven't. Jealous that they have met that love. That they have had someone to cherish, that feels the same way that you do, and they tell me I'm lucky?_

_Love never did come easy. I've been told so many times, by a lot of different people. You just have to ride the roller coaster. Go with the flow. Maybe you will get motion sickness and vomit, or maybe you'll scream your head off having the time of your life. Maybe that feeling in your stomach will come, like when you are plummeting down a two-hundred and twenty five foot drop. The drop you have been nervous to see, but when that drop is over, and you're heading back up to the top you feel incredible. I want to feel incredible, even if it means vomiting. I want to feel what they have felt._

I like that little monologue. I wish I could publish it sigh. Okay now I'm full of myself. Oh well. Anyways, I'm out for now. I'll update as soon as I can. Happy reading!


	7. Chapter 6

_**Chapter Six**_

**_A/N:_** Wow.. Wow.. Such a long time since update. Freaking April man! APRIL! I can't believe I'm actually writing again. I had to re-read the whole thing. Oh well.. I want to finish the story. It has been bugging me. Yep.. I also love writing it. The plot is all plotty.. So of course I have to finish!

Disclaimer: Yeah yeah. Other chapters. Tsk

**October, Year Seven**

Today has been amazing! Besides the fact that we had to go to classes. I hate weekdays. Couldn't it always be the weekend? At least school is almost over. But that could be both a good and bad thing I guess, since NEWTS are coming.

Things between Draco and I seem to be falling downhill too. I'm apparently the only one who thinks that. Draco always ignores the topic, and Millie has found her new love (eew) and is too busy with him.

Besides all of that my day was awesome. Me and Millicent were on our way down to breakfast one morning and chatting happily as always (ha, gay). We weren't happy actually… she was. Nott, Nott and even more Nott. All she could talk about.

"Oh he is so cute, did you ever notice how sweet he is Pansy? He brought me a rose this morning Pansy, did you see that?"

Yes Milli, I saw it. How couldn't I when you shoved it in my face and started snogging him. Revolting. The stuff love does to you.

So back to my life, we got to the entrance hall and saw there was a piece of parchment up beside the oak doors. Some students were reading it and whispering to each other, then walked away all excited. When the crow had cleared the two of us walked up and read it.

Halloween Ball

The faculty of Hogwarts would like to announce this years first ball.

It will take place the 31st of October for all fourth years and up after the younger students have their annual Halloween dinner from 8:00 to 12:00.

This is a costume ball, make sure you get one!

Albus Dumbledorte, Headmaster

The notice made me want to laugh, but I kept it in. That man had finally lost it. This school never had ball. Only that one time for the tournament in fourth year. Maybe there had been yearly ones before it…

"Oooh! A ball! We should go," Millie squealed and looked at me.

"Why not," I replied and shrugged. Maybe Josh will ask me.

"Oh come on, you can't say you aren't excited about it Pansy!" Millie said as we walked into the great hall and took our seats at the Slytherin table.

"I am," I said and took a piece of toast and started to butter it, "I just don't want to look like an idiot," I added and smirked. Millie didn't say anything and started to eat some of her food in silence, until Nott came that is. She started talking to him and totally ignored me. So much like her.

"Hey," I heard someone say and sit down next to me.

"I don't want to talk to you Blaise, so don't bother," I said and ignored him. Lately he had been getting on my case a lot. I saw Daphne glare at me from where she was sitting, she'd always held a bit of a fancy for Blaise and of course, Draco.

"Someone didn't get enough sleep," he muttered and took a bite out of the toast I had put down on my plate. I hit him lightly on the arm and glared at him.

"Make your own," I said and turned to say something to Millie, but she was too into talking to Nott.

"Just take it," I said and shoved the rest of my food at Blaise. I decided to start heading for class and not get caught in the rush of students.

"Pansy," I heard someone yell after me. I turned around and saw it was Josh and let myself smile.

"I've been looking for you," he said when he caught up with me. He greeted me with a hug and a quick kiss.

"Not smart enough to check the great hall?" I asked when he pulled away. His hair looked a bit messier then it normally was. Probably didn't bother to do anything with it today.

"Oh yeah.." he said and trailed off, "Although I did see the dance bulletin… you want to go with me?"

"I think I can spare some of my time," I said and he just rolled his eyes at me. He reminded me of Draco when he did stuff like that.

I highly doubt you want to hear house classes went, so I'll give you a quick summary:

Charms: Me and Draco talked like we normally did nowadays in that class.

Defense Against the Dark Arts: Booooring. Stupid new teacher.. Potter still thinks it is the whole world.

Transfiguration: Weasel turned his book into a penguin. How does he do that from a cup?

History of Magic (double class!): A nice nap.

Potions: Fun. One of the Gryffindor's set his cloak on fire using the burner.

That sums my day up. Although there is _one _more thing that happened. Not too big of a deal though. I got a letter from my mum, my dad was out on business like usual. She just mailed me to see how I was doing and about the whole Malfoy marriage. Why did she care? Still nothing out of her. She also asked if I wanted to come back for Christmas. Duh.

Oh well, not all days are exciting right? I have a potions test tomorrow, as well as a charms test. I should study a bit, maybe Millie will go to the library with me. I'll go ask.

Pansy P. has got a date!

**_A/N:_** I'm still in awe. I actually started writing again. Wow.. Not much of a note.. Eww ( Hopefully people will review. hint hint

_**Rampart**_


	8. Chapter 7

_**Chapter Seven**_

**_A/N_**: I love writing these notes. I wonder why.. I guess it is one of the few ways I can be myself to my readers and not just my stories. I wonder if anyone actually reads these.. I do to some stories, so there must be someone out there. Thank you! Anyways, here is chapter seven. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer:** Bah… you know.

**Reviews!**

I've been meaning to do this for quite some time now.

**Emalfoy- **She will find out soon enough )

**Socks and Tea Cosys- **Thank you for sticking with my story ) I remembered you when you reviewed last night. I was happy to find you still wanted an update haha. By the way, I love your penname.

**Ally**- Thanks I feel the same way, about the pairing. I don't know why though.

**Porcelain.Heart-** Whoa.. Interesting review. But I agree, GO GO RAMPART! Ah, now I'm full of myself XX

**Sugarbabe1- **Thanks for sticking like socks and tea cosys D

I hope that my ink won't smudge… it'll mess this up. Maybe the quill going through the whole book? I tell ya, writing in a diary is the best way there is to vent out all of you anger, pain, confusion, whatever. Of course, if you plan on reading it later it'll bring back horrible memories. I wish I only had good ones.. Of me and Draco together.

Why can't life be like that? Why does this always happen to me? Not Daphne or Millie. No, they have to have the perfect little lives, no drama there. None at all. My dad probably cursed me when I was little… that's it. I'll blame it on you dad! I hate you!

You probably want to know what I'm ranting about don't you? I suppose I'll write.. I'm the only one up here right now. It has been a few minutes, I hope no one comes up. See me like this…

As you know, tonight was the night of the Halloween ball. Yay! Fun for everyone. Me, Millie and Daphne were getting ready together. I didn't bother much with a costume, since I thought the whole idea was stupid but I wanted to get in right?

I just had my mom go out and buy one of the muggle costumes of a witch. She picked out a rather cute one, a lot of greens and purples in it. It had a short skirt and fishnet stockings. A top that matched the skirt and that weird pointy hat. They always annoyed me, so I decided not to wear it. For shoes, I just put some blain black ballet flats. I had to say, with my makeup on afterwards, I looked pretty good.

Millie and Daphne both went as the same thing (Gag… honestly, how boring). They dressed up as some fairy or something. I think it was a fairy. Maybe an angel, I didn't ask. But their costumes were white dresses and had wings, no wands or a halo. So it was hard to tell. They still looked pretty good though.

We headed down into the common room and saw Nott waiting for Millie. He was wearing a grim reaper costume. By the look in Millie's face I could tell she loved it. Again, she is too crazy about that kid…

Blaise was wearing something similar to Nott, minus his face painted white. He walked towards Daphne and they just left without waiting for anyone. Like I care though, I hate Daphne. Hopefully they leave the dance early. I don't care why, but I don't want her there.

I saw Draco sitting by the fire alone. He was wearing again black (what was up with these guys and cloaks?). Although he had a muggle suit under it. Odd combination I though, but it made him look stunning.

"Hey," I and stepped around him, "You waiting for her?" I asked then felt my face grow cold. Who _was_ he going with anyways? I'd been so caught up in my own date I didn't think about who Draco would be going with.

"Oh no, I'm meeting her down in the entrance hall," he said and stood up, then flashed a smile at me, "Walk me down?"

"Sure," I said. We exited the common room pretty quickly, so we Nott and Millie wouldn't see us. They were to busy snogging. Again. Geez.

"You look nice," Draco said and looked down at me with a smirk. I glared at his comment, I knew he was talking about my short skirt.

"Draco!" I heard someone call when we entered the hall. It was packed with people waiting for their dates, and all of them were talking. Loudly.

I looked to my side and say a girl hugging Draco and raised an eyebrow at him. It was that sixth year Ravenclaw girl. Since when did he fancy here? Or she him? Well, who doesn't like him… but he still couldn't possibly be going to the dance with _her_ could he?

"This is my date Pans, Kayla," he said when she let go of him. I had to admit she looked pretty in her costume. It looked like a normal dress, it was silver and hugged her body pretty nicely. Her hair was dark like Chang's was and about the same length. She had it spiraled in some places. The only part that really made it a costume was the mask she was wearing. It was also silver and only covered her eyes, or it looked like it, but she had put it up for now.

I smiled weakly at her and looked up at Draco again then around the hall. I saw Josh was bid farewell to the two of them and headed towards him.

"Hey," I said and he turned around and faced me. He was wearing a black and white striped suit with a bowler hat. It reminded me of those muggle mafia people.

It was kind of hard not to even let out the slightest giggle, but I managed. He did look pretty good after all. He left his friend and the two of us headed into the great hall where at least half the people were already out on the dance floor.

"Want to dance?" Josh instantly asked me when we stepped into the crowd of people. I smiled and nodded at him, then my eyes caught sight of Draco and his date. I could feel a twinge of jealousy, I should've been the one dancing.

"You okay?" Josh asked and I looked up at him/

"Yeah…" I said trying to shove the jealousy out of me. Tonight I was with my own date, not wrapped around Draco. Tonight was about me, not him.

The night had gone by pretty fast, and it was wonderful. The two of us had been dancing for what seemed like hours before we finally decided to stop and get something to drink. Although, that's when it went downhill.

Josh offered to go get the drinks himself, so I sat there alone and then looked a few table's down. Of course, Draco and Kayla. It couldn't be some other couple, it just had to be the two of them. On top of that, they were actually having a good time.

He was telling her something and pointing onto the dance floor at Potter and his whole gang. It must've been pretty funny since Kayla cracked up. She has the most annoying laugh I tell ya.

"Where the hell did Josh go," I whispered to myself and got up to look for him. It had been a while since he had left to get the drinks. There couldn't be a _line_ to the punch bowl could there?

I looked over my shoulder and noticed Draco had gotten up as well, alone. Probably getting some drinks himself.

"Ow," I said and stumbled back. While I had been looking at Draco walking by I hadn't noticed where I was going and walked into someone.

"Watch where you're going," a familiar voice snapped at me, I looked up and gaped.

"What the _hell_ is going on!" I exclaimed.

"I- I was heading over to the punch bowl…" Josh stammered. Quite a few eyes had turned to us after I yelled.

"Oh please, you think I'm _that_ stupid! I _saw_ that! You were all over _her_," I yelled and pointed at the brunette he had been snogging. In the middle of the dance floor too! How can someone be that daft.

I turned to leave before anyone else noticed what was happening, especially Draco. I felt Josh grab my wrist and I turned back and glared at him.

"I'm sorry Pansy… I don't know what happened… someone must've spiked the punch or something…I didn't know what I was doing," he stammered.

"Don't even start," I said with venom in my voice. Without thinking I slapped him across the face and ran out of the hall, I couldn't let anyone see me crying. A Parkinson doesn't cry in front of anyone.

And here I am… writing in you. All of my problems just bleeding onto this page. I actually _liked_ this guy. Sure Draco towers over him, but that was becoming less… and then I find him with his tongue down some Hufflepuff _fourth_ year's throat. How can someone get so low?

Ah, sounds like Millicent is coming up.. I guess news travels fast in this school. I don't need her though… I just need sleep… death? Ugh.

Pansy P. Is Dead

**_A/N:_** Eh, lacked something. The ending was horrible, I don't care though.. Well I do… but it'll have to stay this way. I don't want to not write anything. Hopefully the next chapter will come with ease. I'm pretty sure it will…I've been dieing to write it since the first chapter haha. Review )

_**Rampart**_


	9. Chapter 8

_**Chapter Eight**_

**_A/N:_** I've been seriously debating with myself on how this story should go. I had a plot, but not I'm starting to think it'll get flaky after this chapter. So I was torn between ending it this chapter and putting an epilogue next or something. I think I will do that… I don't want to totally bomb the whole thing, so I think it is best I try and wrap it up. Maybe come up with a new story? So it'll be this and maybe one more, then I'm pretty sure I'll make an epilogue. That is the reason why I am ending this chapter as a cliffy sort of… not quite the end of the diary entry.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.. **

**November, Year seven**

Weird things have been happening lately. Things in my life have totally taken a turn, school, friends, parents.. Everything. Maybe the world feels bad about the whole Josh thing? Who knows, I'm so over him.

Okay, so it has only been a week since I last wrote…and I'm still not over him. It still hurts to think about it. Am I that bad of a girlfriend? I always thought we were great together.

Even though I'm feeling like complete shit someone has helped me a lot, then brought me lower then before, I'm actually quite surprised about it, but I guess with every bad there has to be a good _somewhere. _To bad it becomes bad again.

"Pansy? Are you okay?" the only to familiar voice came from the other side of the door. More mocking?

"Please, just leave me alone," I said hiding my diary under my pillow, and using my sleeves to dry my wet face. I knew hiding the tear stains inevitable though.

"I'll take that as a no," Draco said and walked into the room. He had a look of sympathy on his face, that rarely happened.

"Just say it already and leave…" I said sniffling, using my already soaked sleeve once again. I didn't care if he saw me like this, he'd seen it before. Although I was in first year then… and he'd made fun of me.

"Say what?" he asked and sat down on the bed next to me. I looked up at him with a glare and he smirked, "Ah yes, I told you so."

"Get out," I said picking up a pillow and then threw it at him. Sometimes he just gets on my nerves, "Shouldn't you be down there with Kayla?"

"I should, but I'm not. I told her I wasn't feeling good," he said and looked at his hands then at Pansy, "I'm sorry about this."

"Why? You're the one who told me this was a bad idea in the first place.." I started.

"Yeah, but I should've done something about it before this," he interrupted, "I didn't want this to happen."

I opened my mouth to say something but the closed it again when I saw his hands. Red? What _did_ he do when I was writing in my diary?

"What happened?" I asked looking at his hands. He sighed then let out a little laugh, "It would be un-Malfoy like to not do anything wouldn't it?"

"No…" A smirk was forming on his face as I said that. Now he was going to get in trouble because of me. Perfect.

"Got here before the teachers saw it was me. I know someone will sell me out tomorrow, but till then, I'm all yours," he said with a seductive look on his face. I hit his arm playfully and smiled at his joke. Draco always had a way to make me feel better.

"Thanks," I said and sighed. Draco wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. Like Josh did when we would sit out by the lake and it was getting cold. I couldn't help but let a few more tears out.

"I can't believe I'm actually feeling this bad over him.." I started and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Neither can I, he's a guy," Draco said and looked over at me.

"Shut up," I said and lifted my head up, "What makes you think I'm gay?"

"Well, you aren't all over me for one," he said like it was obvious. What a prat.

"Really? Last time I checked _you're_ the one who wants to be_ siblings_," I said and glared at him.

"Because you are clearly not interested in me. Thus making you obviously gay," Draco said and smirked at me.

"You.." I started then stopped and made a face, "This isn't going to work for you Draco," I added and got up off of the bed.

"What isn't going to work?" he asked and stood up as well, putting an innocent look on his face.

"Oh please, you expect me to fall for this? You're the one who always says it is the best way to get a girl to do what you want. Or something like that."

"Yes, the best way to get a girl to. You're just Pansy, so really, I'm not doing anything bad to you right now," he replied and walked up to me putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Just Pansy? So now I'm not a guy or a girl? _Just Pansy?_ Not worth it to snogg with? Am I just a waste of your time like I am to Josh?" I asked trying not to be to loud.

"Pretty much," he said and sat back down.

"See! You're doing it again!" I exclaimed after he sat down. Why did he have to be so difficult like this?

"Are you sure I wasn't just doing it before and not now?" he asked and lay down, "Comfortable bed."

"I'll make sure I tip the elf next time," I said sarcastically.

"Don't do that, It'll make it too happy… or maybe it'll make it kill itself. That'd be interesting to watch…"

"You have the weirdest way of cheering someone up you know that?" I said and sat down next to where he lay on the bed.

"But it still works doesn't it?" he asked and sat up again.

"I guess…" I said slowly and looked down at my twiddling hands. It was starting to get rather uncomfortable just sitting here. I looked over to where Draco was sitting. He seemed a bit uncomfortable himself, it made me feel even worse.

"Pansy…" he started then looked up at me, "You know… the train ride in the beginning of the year?"

"Y-yeah," I said trying not to stammer. What was he getting at? He wasn't married to Kayla was he? No… he wouldn't tell me something like that right now. Or would he? He has been acting weird around me lately… did he _know _who he was engaged to? He was _hiding_ it from me.

Draco took a deep breath and moved closer to me. The same position we had been in that time in the common room.

"I love you."

**_A/N:_** Haha, crappy ending. I guess it really means that this is going to get wrapped up… hard choice. I could add another little plot if I think of one. If not, this is the last chapter. I don't like ending them with explanations… too…I don't know. But I will have an epilogue if I decide I won't have another plot going with it. This story just wasn't turning out to be what I hoped it would. **_Review_** :O

_**Rampart**_


	10. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

**_A/N:_** So this is really the end of The New Me. Kind of sad… but it won't be the last time you see Rampart :D I'm definitely going to write more stories in this genre, some anime too. Whenever an idea pops into my head. Yep, I posted this at the same time as the last ending. I thought of a nice ending at this point, so I felt like writing it out. Hope you enjoy it :)

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter, but the little kiddies I do :D Yay for owning something in this story! (Besides Josh… we all know how we feel about him. Pssh)

A raven haired woman laughed at the book she had open on her lap. She had thought it would be a good idea to go through some of her old school things before the day came. It turned out she was right.

"The last thing I wrote in this diary…" she sighed and closed the book with a smile, and placing it down on the pile of books she bad beside her.

The morning sun was shining brightly through the attic window now. It had been a while since she'd gotten up, and almost time to leave.

"Pansy?" she heard someone call from the bottom of the steps, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," she replied and left the attic and it's memories behind.

"You're up early," Draco greeted her with a kiss when she got to the stairwell. They had gotten married, as planned, in the summer of their seventh year and it had been 13 years since.

"Just thought I'd fish out some extra quills," Pansy said with a smile before walking down into the Malfoy Mannor living room, Draco not long behind her.

"Hurry up mom! I don't want to miss the train," Emma exclaimed. Emma was their oldest child and was just going to start her first year at Hogwarts (Pansy had insisted she go to the same school as they did). She had the brown eyes that Pansy did, but her father's blond hair. Pansy could tell that she'd be beautiful when she grew up, although, she was right now as well.

"Alright," Draco said and stepped into the fireplace with floo powder in hand, "Come on Emma."

Draco yelled out 'platform 9 ¾ and the two of them plus a trunk swirled out of the fireplace. Pansy was just about to grab some powder herself when she heard someone come into the room.

"Can I come?" A little boy asked and walked up to his mother.

"Finally ready to floo Peter?" Pansy asked. Peter was their only other child and was a six year old spitting image of his father. They had the same hair and eyes and almost all of the features. But he did have Pansy's nose. He'd been afraid of flooing ever since the first time he saw Draco using it on his way to work one day.

Peter nodded slowly and put a picture book he was holding down. It had a picture of a man flying on the front, with Quidditch written in bold letters. Just like Draco.

The two of them stepped into the fireplace and Pansy threw down the powder. The room started to fade away and she felt Peter's grip on her legs get tighter. A second later they were in a bathroom on the platform, the big red train's whistle not far away.

"That was fun!" Peter exclaimed waving his hands around as the two of them stepped out onto the crowded platform. They spotted Draco and Emma over by the front of the train and walked towards them.

"Daddy! I flooed!" Peter said, his gray eyes sparkling when he walked up to Draco. Draco picked up his son and gave a knowing smile to Pansy.

"Well, I'm going to get on the train," Emma said. She'd definitely gotten Draco's attitude. Draco and Peter said their good-byes to her before she turned to Pansy.

"I'll miss you honey," Pansy said and hugged her daughter, "Make sure you write tonight after the feast…"

"I know I know," Emma said and pulled away from the hug. The platform was starting to clear out as the rest of the students boarded the train and bade farewell to their parents. Emma turned to get on as well when Pansy stopped here again.

"Here," Pansy said and pulled a small blank book out of her jacket pocket. She'd slipped it in there while she was up in the attic, "This might come in handy later on in the year."

"Okay… thanks…" Emma said and took the book slowly and gave one last good-bye before boarding the train. The eleven o'clock whistle blew and the train took off slowly, gaining speed as it exited the platform and the three remaining Malfoy's started walking towards the exit of the platform.

"I never knew how my mom must've felt when I left for my first year," she sighed and looked over at her husband, "It makes me feel old…" she added with a smile. Peter just made a face as Draco put him down.

"You _are_ old though…" Peter started but Draco cut him off.

"And she is very beautiful," he added and winked at his son before giving Pansy another kiss on the lips.

"Gross!" Peter exclaimed and walked ahead of his parents.

"Nice save, didn't know you could actually say something nice" she mocked as Draco put his arm around her waist, while she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Lets just call it a new me," Draco said. Pansy nodded slightly, _the best choice he'll ever make, _she thought smiling. It was for her even if it didn't go as planned. But then again, what ever really does?

**_A/N:_** The end of The New Me. Feels good to actually finish a longish story. I think this is better then the old way I was going to end it. Much. Not much to say, but that you for all of you who have even read just a bit of the story. It makes my day everyday. Hope you keep checking for my other stories after this. I'm thinking of getting an RP one done. It seems like fun.

Until next time,

**_Rampart_**


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